Wednesday, April 27, 2005
was feeling really bad yesterday. it was just the shittiest of shit feelings that one could ever get. shan't elaborate more since only softballers would understand. the feeling-like-shit feeling peaked when coach came over... sigh. horrible horrible horrible. thought about all the sweat blood pain bruises and tears that we'd put in over the last 4 years to get to where we are today... all the subway lunches when we would talk about how special we were and how the gold was definitely going to be ours. i couldn't even find the strength and drive within myself to play for thursday's game... it just felt as though there was no point anymore. nothing in this wretched life of mine had meaning anymore. then i thought about God. thought about deb's post. guess it's true that God can only answer one team's prayers. that idea had flickered through my mind many times before while praying for past matches... but i've always kept it safely tucked at the back of my head. wanting to just forget it and believe in God wholeheartedly. i still do actually. just that at the point in time i was just so frustrated upset angry. sigh. sorry God, i really didn't mean to.
but after today i've finally realised that i was just being silly. over reacting. this really isn't the end of the world and well, i'm just so so sooooo glad that i have my wonderful lovely superb teammates [tsb! the best teammates in the world!] to fall back on :) yeah it really hurts to not win the gold esp since this is our last year. but at least i have the comfort of knowing that when i move on to the cold, green-and-white-walls, scary mugger rjc, i'll still have my teammates with me. we can still talk rubbish, laugh like crazy chorlors and simply be our retarded selves together. we can sit and recount all our silly match characteristics, talk about all the batting line-ups and first-nines we can possibly think of, and laugh and sigh and laugh and sigh and burst out laughing non-stop again [think subway today -grin-] sigh... and the thing about God, well i guess i've finally come to terms with it and accepted that rgs b div winning the gold just isn't part of his great plan. it's really difficult to stick to that faith and keep on believing, but hey God never said it was easy. but at least i have the comfort of knowing that He will always be there for me. besides, He has blessed me with the best possible teammates in the world! what more can i ask for? :)
life goes on and one cannot go on moping around forever. i'm so thankful for subway actually. the subway dinner [yesterday] and lunch [today] [haha yes we're more than regulars man. we should just buy over the whole franchise -.-] just talking with the softballers [over a nice coldcuttrio sandwich and double choc chip cookies of course ;)] can just bring a smile to all our faces no matter how badly we lost the game. i guess ultimately it boils down to the people. right now i just can't imagine how depressing a life i'd lead if i wasn't in softball and i wasn't a sec 4... cos then i wouldn't have these retarded chorlor gluttons of teammates to "walk from temple to temple" and laugh and sigh and pig out with me :) i loveeeeee you guysssssss!!!!!!! we'll just have to go on and beat gm tmr! at least make the most out of what we have... make tmr, our last game that rgs b div will ever play together, be the best game we ever play. the softball season of 2005 has held so many memories for me it would be endless to list down here... [yeah esp not with my extraction of aluminium word document still waiting impatiently for me to start on..] i really wish season wouldn't end so quickly. in fact i wish that this would never end! but ah well. at least we've two more years with each other :) keep the spirit burning... we'll get through this somehow.
"phoebe[L]" okay shuddup.
retardebel 9:21 PM