Saturday, May 21, 2005
today was a very special day. one that i don't think i'll forget in a looong loooong time. well, you see, today was the day... THE day... the DAY... that i found out my 9yearold brother is a sex pervert. oh. my. goodness. i mean what on earth is wrong with kids nowadays. in my time kids were like the epitome of chastity. we just reeked of purity. we played with innocent things like barbie dolls and educational computer games like Learn Your ABCs With Buddy. now... my brood of younger brothers led by that 9yearold sex pervert are dialing sex hotline numbers and surfing porn sites. i mean who on earth taught him how to go on google and type in "breasts"?! seriously, when i caught him on that site i was so shocked i almost fainted. that's not all. i was walking past the house phone just now and the gang of children (cousins, brothers, brothers friends, cousins friends) were crowding round the phone and giggling. so i leaned in to see what was going on. and then i heard it. "hellooooo (sultry and seductive)... do you like my voice? Very Gooood. do you want to meet up? remember to bring a condom!" oh. my. goodness. double shock in one freaking seemingly harmless day. seriously, what is wrong with little kids nowadays? is this the state globalization and the infiltration of uncensored sexual media is reducing the future generation of our country to? is this a sad indicment of our morally nihilistic society? learning about My Brother, The 9yearold Sex Pervert has really made me think about these issues. and so i thought. and i thought. and then i realised that it had totally nothing to do with society or the inadequacy of the censorship board of singapore. in fact, it had nothing to do with the other innocent little pokemon kiddies in our country. it happened because, well, you see, anyone who takes bio will know about that little problem called gene mutation. i mean that's the only explanation. my family doesn't have a history of perversion, and singapore is a clean and green country, so logically, the only reason why such a monster could exist in my family is that somewhere along the family line, one or two genes had gone through mutation. WAIT. it could be those FHM Mags i found stashed under my older brothers' bed! eww. BOYS.
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anyway i tell you my father is equally as loser as my mum man!
me: ohmygawd mum! i just caught goly on a sex hotline! and i saw him surfing porn sites just now!
mum: (fuming mad! and gave my brother a hell of a dressing down -no sexual pun intended-)
suddenly my dad, unable to stand the noise, walks into the room and asks what is going on. my mum starts ranting and raving about the sex pervert his nineyearold son is. after she's done, my dad casually picks up his paper and shoots my mum an annoyed look.
dad: (snaps at mum) all that noise over nothing! tsk! at least he's not gay right!
oh! oh! and then last night bel was in my living room on the phone. my dad walked down just as she was done.
dad: hello annabel. haven't seen you in a long time! oh! did you change the shape of your hair?
bel: (blushing furiously red) errr... no uncle. i... i just didn't comb it.
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ohmygawd. wad a loser of a dad.
anyway speaking of ohmygawds, OHMYGAWD WAD IS WRONG WITH BLOGGER? why is blogger in chinese?!!! i practically have to scrutinize each word carefully and put it to memory (which part of the ci yu shou ce have i seen this before?) before i can actually navigate myself around. what on earth man. where is that chinese pro resh when you need her?!!! (hey! don't belittle her man! she can say "ping guo" with a true blue shanghai accent!)
although i never put much emphasis on birthdays, just wanna shoutout to all of you for the poignant moments this year. actually i dunno which was the most memorable moment because they were all so touching! and wonderful.
saturday's party with all the friends i grew up with was shockingly tear-inducing. even the army goers sacrificed precious weekend time! you guys, thanks so much. i was really touched when i walked into the house after training and found all of you there waiting for me. and the movie after was so fun! i love you guys man! thanks for going through thick and thin with me. and for helping me keep the faith. i guess i've never really actually felt this, but looking back, i dunno wad i would've done without you all. i just wish we didn't have to grow up. and distance. ohwell. THANKS people!
my actual birthday was great too! thanks for all the smses and phone calls! and thanks christine and quek for staying up till 2 plus to bake that lemon thingey for me which you guys had to do so in n oven you had to switch on again every 5 minutes =) anyway, knowing that u two are go-to-sleep-before-11 people, it was really very touching. and i've never seen u two come close to sleeping in class. until tuesday. so thanks so so so much! and the thing (was it a cake? was it a pie? was it a crumble?) was actually edible! no lah. it was delicious. really. the bottom part at least. and thanks gorilla for the beautiful thing you made me. really brought back many memories... and the message was so sweet! thanks man. and thanks to the softballers for... being there. your very presence is more than enough for me. but the most coolest surprise was when i got home and this deliveryman rang the doorbell sometime in the evening when i was having a birthday dinner with my family, and he gave me a cake and flowers which the army people preordered! woohoo! i was so bloody speechless! i guess no matter what, your childhood friends are the ones that will always be there for you, and the ones that know you best. but, as i said before, we grow up, we distance. and it's saddening. i'm just so happy that u guys still care. oh andandand! the mostest wonderfullest monumental moment was when i came home from school the next day all drained and tired and my dad told me that my friend from australia sent me a letter. i was about to retort that i didn't have a friend in australia when suddenly... "OHMYGAWD! HUITING!!!!!" anyway it was soaked through but i could still make out the contents of the letter. and it was typically huiting sugar-sweet. and the gorgeous necklace remained untarnished despite the treacherous conditions the letter had to go through. it was beautiful. i was just so touched that i cried! (and the letter got soaked through even more!) really i didn't even expect her to remember my birthday... much less send me a present. it's funny huh. how the littlest things in life turn out to be those that have the greatest impact.
thanks reshbelruoqi. although i did look like a fool walking in town with that huge baby thing swinging from my arm. ("jealous?" REMEMBER?!!! omygawd i can't believe i did that!) it's been a long time since the four of us caught up. but then again, thinking of the things to do when we "catch up"... it's probably a good thing. what with strumming the guitar with ezlink cards, whacking the surface, thinking that that is wad the pros do, ruoqi using the guitar as a gu zheng... ohmygawd. but it's ohmygawd in a good, pure, childish way. alright. that's enough. i'm sick. and i probably made resh sick too since i was hugging her to sleep last night and she woke with a terrible cough. it's weird i never get sick. i'm so healthy. darn it now i have to do pft on tuesday. thanks for passing on the flu, cough AND fever man. whoever you are.
p.s. bel u think you damn great right! just coz the old man let you pass and demanded MY i/c right. well don't forget that i'm OLDER than you and more MATURE. you know why he let you pass? and not me? it's not coz i have a baby face! it's coz u have a LAO AH MA face! so there. so obviously this fresh youthful face of mine looks like a baby face when put next to your LAO AH MA FACE. yay i win! and don't think i dunno your secret ok... that one. about modifying dates and times just so you can go to sleep earlier. and yet act like u did it right on the dot. don't think i dunno ok. because i KNOW.
!deb.17-- rgssoftball'05. the most special batch on earth.
retardebel 10:26 PM
Thursday, May 19, 2005
arghhhh. to all the women out there: don't you hate being a woman sometimes?
i get that feeling once every month.
it's always either pimples or cramps. URGHHHH. i don't wanna be a woman.
sulk. goodbye.
bel
retardebel 10:58 PM
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEBORAH ANNE LEE a.k.a BABY/CANNOT-GET-INTO-NC16-MOVIE/DROP-ICE-CREAM-THEN-CRY/BAT-REFLECT-LIGHT-INTO-EYES-ALSO-CRY FACE! :)
haha it's so ironic that the retardedest most childish juvenile and playful person in the team is actually one of the oldest =P but anyway happy birthday deb!!! and congrats! now you don't have to rely on wearing adult clothes and sucking your cheeks in to sneak into nc16 movies! and you can face the uncle at the lido theatre (who DIDNT WANT TO LET YOU INTO THE NC16 MOVIE) with pride and confidence... haha!
we have been the bestest of friends since i dunno when and i don't even know how come we became such good friends... but THANK GOD we are. if not i won't have anyone to tell all my deepest darkest secrets to (like d*****s and your p****g competition HAHA), sneak into nc-16 movies and not get in, sleepover and get wrongly accused of br...chest kicking, discuss all the raffles batting line-ups all the way from ancient history to modernistic future, gl..., complain, or simply talk abt anything and everything under the sun:) the list of things will go on and on forever and i can't list all of them here... but really thanks for being the awesomely retarded shit you are.
p.s. but don't get too ego about it! cos my face is still more mature than yours so the lido uncle will still continue to let me pass but nonono... YOU have to show him your ic. HAH =P
!bel.77--
retardebel 12:00 AM
Friday, May 06, 2005
since it's mother's day soon, in true traditional spirit of this joyous occasion, before i start proper i MUST blog about my embarrassing, irritating, doofus-ey, retarded, silly, act-cute excuse of a mother...
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coz last week was the "start mugging for EOIs the next week" week right. i realised that my bio assessment book had totally no substance at all lah. so i asked my mum to get a new one for me...
me: (giving her explicit instructions) yesyes. can buy from popular. make sure it has substance ok! and preferably topical kind. i NEED sexual reproduction, mitosis&meiosis, hereditary, inheritance and natural selection especially arh!!!
mom: (after a looooong pause, turns to me and says in this oh-so-serious tone) darling... what you really need is an R(A) video.
me: DAAAAAAAAADDY!!!!!!
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loser.
my long-awaited presence back online can only mean one thing: EOIs are over. yay!
oh, and before i continue, bernice you rock. so don't let us down ok! and u better get that rust off your pitching. i'm gonna need someone to help me handle ruoqi during pitching training. she's just impossible. ah, but remember, "impossible is possible". =) ok so that wasn't as cool as "without you guys, softball would mean nothing to me. and yet, without softball, you guys wouldn't mean anything to me." but admit it man! it WAS philosophical! and so deep and insightful. ok shuttup deb. u're just making a non-philosophical fool outta yourself. anyway. berns. u gotta BE NICE to us. or face the wrath of the chorlorballers!
went on a date with the biggest bunch of losers today. we were all so hyped up lorh! like damn ready to watch the match and stuff. (xh was even prepared to risk hell for it!) too bad it rained. rain always spoils our softball dates. especially ones which we are so looking forward too. WE WANNA SEE FADZ!!!! anyway GREAT. it's been postponed to MONDAY. monday MORNING. monday morning NINE AM. how bloody freaking great is that? but that's not the point. ruoqi was a PAIN during lunch today. she kept complaining that she was bored just sitting there and kept whining that she wanted to walk around (which was a huge surprised since ruoqi's well-known for that jenny-grandma streak in her. the one where she won't move a muscle willingly even if her life depended on it). so we all gave her that look. so she just groaned that infamous groan and slumped back onto the bench and crossed her legs. jem, feeling decidedly sorry for her, decided to make a toilet trip. so ever the nice girl, jem asked "would u like to come with me ruoqi?" u know what that GOP did? she SNAPPED back at poorlittle'jemmywemmylemmy' (a la xianhui), saying: "AIYAH! i just crossed my legs!!!! and now u expect me to uncross them?!!!" what. a. GOP! then, coz limxh had just tightened her braces and was condemned to mushy food like mashed potato, while i was savouring my heavenly subway sandwich (which lim absolutely ADORES!), so i was like purposely pissing her off by taking long delectable bites out of my sandwich. xianhui responded by looking in all other directions but mine so i kept trying to move myself such that i was in her view wherever she looked. THEN. wahlao. that devious xianhuilim! she looked in ruoqi's direction! so i leaned across so that i was right in front of ruoqi's face in direct view of limxianhui lah. THEN. wahlao. i opened my mouth, and just as i was about to "savour" my delicious sandwich, that dork of a pitcher BURPED. like a huge magnitude burp! wadthe...!!!! and it was right in my face! and it went into my open mouth and onto my sandwich!!!! such an ass! and she absoutely refused to sit next to me during kingdom of heaven, taking great pains to make sure she and i were at opposite ends of the row. and all because of what? all because of ONE incident where i jumped into her chair during a scary movie and started sobbing into her. just because of that drenched-with-tears tshirt (and possibly bruised thighs) she chooses to shun me, condemning me forever into her list of never-to-watch-movie-with friend list! doth the enlightening movie teach her anything of forgiveness and salvation? hasn't she seen how i repent for that heinous act of being scared during a movie? i guess not. but no. i shall not go all the way to jerusalem for her! is she worth THAT much? that i need to leave my havens to seek redemption for something i do not regret? no. fine! condemn me to your never-to-watch-movies-with-again friends list! do i care? no! after all... i'm talking about RUOQI here. someone who goes to movies alone. so there.
woah kingdom of heaven was bloody good! as in yah lah, it was bloody. but it was bloody good in the non-biological kinda sense too. i think christians especially have GOT to watch the movie because it is really insightful and makes u reflect on whether u have been serving god in the proper way. whether this is really what he wants from you. or are u part of a greater plan he has in mind to better the world. or does he let u decide your own fate and choose to live your life to the fullest. and it's got pretty cool quotes too. bel and i were sighing throughout the movie man. stuff like... erm... "of what use is a man's existence if he doesn't do anything in his life to better the world" (aiyah, not exactly like that but something to that effect!)... (ooh my favourite. this he said while staring folornly at his wife's crucifix after the priest told him that she was condemned to hell because of her suicide) "how can you be in hell... when you're right here in my heart?" (cue to sighhhhhhh)... and the thing about serving god with your heart and soul and all the other moral quotes. and i liked the knight's oath! the one that you have to slap a person so that he will remember the oath. oh darn i forgot it! (maybe coz i wasn't slapped? RESH WHERE ARE YOU?! HERE'S YOUR CHANCE!) but it's something like, you have to fight every battle with bravery. and erm... protect the helpless. erm... tell the truth even if it kills you. do no wrong etc. aiyah i make it sound really juvenile and cliched but the real oath was so bloody damn cool and inspiring! even ruoqi was "woah-ed". aiyah GO WATCH THE MOVIE LAH U WILL REGRET IT FOR LIFE IF YOU DON'T! (orlando bloom himself is worth 5 stars! no don't go rolling your eyes. even miss non-girl-tendencied ruoqi wants to marry him. and that's saying ALOT.) hmm but some parts were DUMB though. like... the princess coming to visit his town all the way from jerusalem on the pretext that her entourage was passing that way on their way to another town. then she went to stay in HIS town for like damn long lah. then suddenly one night she crept up on him while he was hard at work in his study room and fluttered her lashes and said something seductive like do you know the real reason why i'm here? i was practically screaming that she was there for sex lah duh! but that dumb bloom tried to play it coy by saying something like i know u're not just passing by my town. then she asked again whether he knew why she was here. (me: TO SLEEP WITH YOU LAH U DUMB MAN!) but noooooo, both idiots want to play coy and stall the progress of the otherwise well-paced movie! yah lah then finally she gave up and said... that in the east, when a woman shes a man she likes then she will _________ (i dunno exactly but she said something seductive here lah). then she went to him and started nuzzling against him and kissing him! and then they did the inevitable. the meiosis thing. but it was obviously her non-fertile day as she didn't get pregnant and i didn't see them use any form of contraceptives. she's lucky man! but anyway that's not the point. the whole hoo-ha here is that there i was thinking what a great, moral movie this is... with the widowed bloom still loving his dead wife (eternal love?)... and the princess being so sophisticated and all. and then they HAD to go and erm... meiosize! she's a MARRIED woman for pete's sake. and he just lost his wife that he loved so much not too long ago. and they had JUST met the previous day. and here they are studying each other's anatomy! oh the audacity of it all. ADULTERY, PEOPLE, ADULTERY! even if he IS the hero, still!!!!!! jerk.
but it was still an excellent movie nonetheless. we went to kfc for dinner after and we bumped into our all-time favourite colman chua. he was with another man. 'nuff said. anyway the softballers realised that we have a weird, no-one-else-can-understand, chor lor, "softball" brand of humour. i mean like...that day.THAT day we were sitting on the steps after the match. bel ruoqi xianhui and me. so xianhui and i were talking. then suddenly we heard weird wheezy noises coming from the side. we turned around and saw bel's face contorted in a mixture of agony and mid-laughter. and there was ruoqi all over her, doing god-knows-what to bel.so xianhui and i, concerned about the safety of our pal, quickly pulled ruoqi and her apart and asked them what they were doing. we thought they were having a catfight u see. then bel, recovered from that bout of asthmatic-esque laughter, enlightened us. "no lah! ruoqi was just trying to tickle me becuase i didn't laugh at her joke." xh: "ruoqi you TICKLED bel to make her laugh at your joke?" rq: "but it was funny what! bel just doesn't have a sense of humour!" bel: "hmph i SO do! your joke wasn't the least bit funny!" me: (still stunned at the revelation of events) you TICKLED bel just so that you can induce laughter in her? even though she didn't find your joke funny? u just wanted to MAKE her laugh at your joke?! HUH?!" rq: "EH IT WAS FUNNY OK!"
thankgod i'm back with the softballers after a whole week of them being absent in my life (replaced by, gasp, books) because of the EOIs. i really felt like something was missing in my life. it was quite bad lah that i didn't get to see them much. i mean, the most pro-longed time i had with a softballer this week was going home with resh. especially how we grew even closer after the season and stuff. then we immediately have to delve into our EOIs. sigh. but who cares it's over and it wasn't as horrible as i expected. except for my chinese essay that's is. u wouldn't like to know what i wrote. seriously. bel was utterly appalled. anyway... yah... just for those who didn't know already. we got third. not exactly what we are worth lah (we're worth so much more!). but somehow we just don't feel as horrible about it as we thought we would. in fact, most of us feel this inner peace. like we've achieved something greater. something more satisfying that what the gold could ever bring us (right ellen? oh btw great homerun! except that U GAVE US ALL A FREAKING HEARTATTACK!). our sisterhood. our team spirit. the impenetrable bond between us that cannot be broken no matter how high the temperature is, how much pressure is put upon us, how concentrated the softballers are, or whatever catalyst is used against us. yes. our bond. and no matter how hard and frequently the reacting particles collide, nothing will ever be strong enough to reach the activation energy to break the inter-softballecular bond. the TSB bond=) but i still maintain that no matter how close we are, we cannot just take things for granted. i mean, external forces won't be strong enough to break the bond that we have but u see, our softballecular bond is differnet. it works on a self activation kinda thing. like we decide what state our friendship and teamship is at. we control our destiny. like we decide when we need to stick together really tightly and closely like a solid, when we need to flow together like a liquid, to play beautiful, flowing softball. and yet... don't forget that there's the gaseous state which we are quite vulnerable to too. like.. what if we turn into gas particles and just diffuse and go far far away from each other (distance) with minimal contact and stuff. it has happened before and it can happen again. but WE can control that. so we gotta like keep working on it. keep going out for lunches together. going on spastic dates together. doing everything possible together. loving each other more than before. it's like... i dunno but the more time i spend with you guys, the more i grow to love y'all and realise that i can't possibly live without u guys. i'll never get sick of US. TSB. and i hope u guys won't too...
oh HAHA before i sign off i just HAVE to blog about this. you know... it's like those moments when it's just so funny at that time and doesn't make sense at all and no matter how hard u try u just can't replicate the humour in words or in wadeva sense? haha but it was really so witty, so softballie at that time. one of our retardedest convos ever. but only if u are a sec4rgsoftballer will you understand what the conversation is about and why it's so "funny". so if u're not an rgsec4softballer, don't bother reading on coz u won't udnerstand. so anyway the 7 of us (bel jem ruoqi resh moni gee and me) were sitting on that concentric thing in front of the big screen at cine waiting for our movie to start. we were like relatively well-behaved (except for those occassional "JOHNNY DEPP!!!!!" shrieks from taitai-moni,the inhouse bimbo bel and the uber-sensible-so-i-dunno-why-she's-shrieking-over-johnny-depp resh) and i was pretty proud of us. then the doors behind burst open and out came a gaggle of RI guys. moni spotted the infamous kenny of digmynose.blogspot.com fame and got all excited since she's an ardent fan of his literary blog-works. so she actually wanted to go up to him and comfort him about his loss of "babie" (apparently the name he gives his ex on the blog). but none of us wanted to go with her. so i came up with a plan... and all hell broke loose. (in all hell broke loose i mean the softballers started their rounds of congregated chorlor laughter. now THAT is hell!)
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me: (in my typical loud voice) MONI! stop digging your nose lah! (rest start howling with laughter) dig MY nose. (burst of laughter again)
moni: aiyah deb. then just let me start bleeding while i'm waiting lah. (burst of laughter)
me: fancy wanting to go up to meet him. u really ARE a desperado! (laugh)
gee: (leaning forward as she laughs and unfortunately getting tangled in resh's web of hair) oi resh! why is your hair so ru5ty?! ("hahahahahahahaha!")
moni: maybe because the win(wind) had arcane(came)! (huh? but shriek with laughter anyway)
[right about here everyone is in fits of chor lor laughter and are talking all at the same time so me, not being able to stand the noise...]
me: wahlao! just shut-up and let posefspeak lah! (laughlaughlaugh)
gee: because thisismylifenotyours...
bel: ...and mynameisdaniel. (cue: MAD LAUGHTER!)
me: hahahahaha! i'm having so much fun with the crowd. or, rather, inthecrowd! (i think u know wad happens here right. yes, laughter)
[suddenly moni notices the boys heading for the toilet and requests...]
moni: eh ruoqi let's go to the toilet!
me: huh? for what? oh... you're bleeding is it? ("hahahahahaha")
moni: no lah! WAITING. (at this point somewhere in the sunny island of singapore, a tremor was experienced. and no, i know for a fact that it wasn't an earthquake)
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oh man. we were really laughing damn loudly lah but we couldn't control. it's like those things when someone says something so funny and everyone starts laughing. and just when everyone has calmed down and tried their utmost to stop laughing like hyenas, then someone else says something funny that is related to the funny thing above and everyone starts laughing again. and the witty comments just start pouring in from there so everyone's on a high and no matter HOW HARD u try not to be a public nuisance, you just cannot control the amplitude of your laughter. like, no matter how many dirty stares u get from other people who just want some peace and quiet in our city, and u want to stop being the source of noise pollution, you JUST CAN'T STOP HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER! so, i want to clear up a fact. it's not that we softballers don't understand what public nuisances we make ourselves when we laugh and talk, and it's not that we don't try hard enough to control. it's just that... sigh... u don't understand... when softballers get together. there really is no such thing as. quiet.
!deb.17-- my kingdom of heaven is right here. with you guys=)
retardebel 10:37 PM