Friday, May 06, 2005
since it's mother's day soon, in true traditional spirit of this joyous occasion, before i start proper i MUST blog about my embarrassing, irritating, doofus-ey, retarded, silly, act-cute excuse of a mother...
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coz last week was the "start mugging for EOIs the next week" week right. i realised that my bio assessment book had totally no substance at all lah. so i asked my mum to get a new one for me...
me: (giving her explicit instructions) yesyes. can buy from popular. make sure it has substance ok! and preferably topical kind. i NEED sexual reproduction, mitosis&meiosis, hereditary, inheritance and natural selection especially arh!!!
mom: (after a looooong pause, turns to me and says in this oh-so-serious tone) darling... what you really need is an R(A) video.
me: DAAAAAAAAADDY!!!!!!
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loser.
my long-awaited presence back online can only mean one thing: EOIs are over. yay!
oh, and before i continue, bernice you rock. so don't let us down ok! and u better get that rust off your pitching. i'm gonna need someone to help me handle ruoqi during pitching training. she's just impossible. ah, but remember, "impossible is possible". =) ok so that wasn't as cool as "without you guys, softball would mean nothing to me. and yet, without softball, you guys wouldn't mean anything to me." but admit it man! it WAS philosophical! and so deep and insightful. ok shuttup deb. u're just making a non-philosophical fool outta yourself. anyway. berns. u gotta BE NICE to us. or face the wrath of the chorlorballers!
went on a date with the biggest bunch of losers today. we were all so hyped up lorh! like damn ready to watch the match and stuff. (xh was even prepared to risk hell for it!) too bad it rained. rain always spoils our softball dates. especially ones which we are so looking forward too. WE WANNA SEE FADZ!!!! anyway GREAT. it's been postponed to MONDAY. monday MORNING. monday morning NINE AM. how bloody freaking great is that? but that's not the point. ruoqi was a PAIN during lunch today. she kept complaining that she was bored just sitting there and kept whining that she wanted to walk around (which was a huge surprised since ruoqi's well-known for that jenny-grandma streak in her. the one where she won't move a muscle willingly even if her life depended on it). so we all gave her that look. so she just groaned that infamous groan and slumped back onto the bench and crossed her legs. jem, feeling decidedly sorry for her, decided to make a toilet trip. so ever the nice girl, jem asked "would u like to come with me ruoqi?" u know what that GOP did? she SNAPPED back at poorlittle'jemmywemmylemmy' (a la xianhui), saying: "AIYAH! i just crossed my legs!!!! and now u expect me to uncross them?!!!" what. a. GOP! then, coz limxh had just tightened her braces and was condemned to mushy food like mashed potato, while i was savouring my heavenly subway sandwich (which lim absolutely ADORES!), so i was like purposely pissing her off by taking long delectable bites out of my sandwich. xianhui responded by looking in all other directions but mine so i kept trying to move myself such that i was in her view wherever she looked. THEN. wahlao. that devious xianhuilim! she looked in ruoqi's direction! so i leaned across so that i was right in front of ruoqi's face in direct view of limxianhui lah. THEN. wahlao. i opened my mouth, and just as i was about to "savour" my delicious sandwich, that dork of a pitcher BURPED. like a huge magnitude burp! wadthe...!!!! and it was right in my face! and it went into my open mouth and onto my sandwich!!!! such an ass! and she absoutely refused to sit next to me during kingdom of heaven, taking great pains to make sure she and i were at opposite ends of the row. and all because of what? all because of ONE incident where i jumped into her chair during a scary movie and started sobbing into her. just because of that drenched-with-tears tshirt (and possibly bruised thighs) she chooses to shun me, condemning me forever into her list of never-to-watch-movie-with friend list! doth the enlightening movie teach her anything of forgiveness and salvation? hasn't she seen how i repent for that heinous act of being scared during a movie? i guess not. but no. i shall not go all the way to jerusalem for her! is she worth THAT much? that i need to leave my havens to seek redemption for something i do not regret? no. fine! condemn me to your never-to-watch-movies-with-again friends list! do i care? no! after all... i'm talking about RUOQI here. someone who goes to movies alone. so there.
woah kingdom of heaven was bloody good! as in yah lah, it was bloody. but it was bloody good in the non-biological kinda sense too. i think christians especially have GOT to watch the movie because it is really insightful and makes u reflect on whether u have been serving god in the proper way. whether this is really what he wants from you. or are u part of a greater plan he has in mind to better the world. or does he let u decide your own fate and choose to live your life to the fullest. and it's got pretty cool quotes too. bel and i were sighing throughout the movie man. stuff like... erm... "of what use is a man's existence if he doesn't do anything in his life to better the world" (aiyah, not exactly like that but something to that effect!)... (ooh my favourite. this he said while staring folornly at his wife's crucifix after the priest told him that she was condemned to hell because of her suicide) "how can you be in hell... when you're right here in my heart?" (cue to sighhhhhhh)... and the thing about serving god with your heart and soul and all the other moral quotes. and i liked the knight's oath! the one that you have to slap a person so that he will remember the oath. oh darn i forgot it! (maybe coz i wasn't slapped? RESH WHERE ARE YOU?! HERE'S YOUR CHANCE!) but it's something like, you have to fight every battle with bravery. and erm... protect the helpless. erm... tell the truth even if it kills you. do no wrong etc. aiyah i make it sound really juvenile and cliched but the real oath was so bloody damn cool and inspiring! even ruoqi was "woah-ed". aiyah GO WATCH THE MOVIE LAH U WILL REGRET IT FOR LIFE IF YOU DON'T! (orlando bloom himself is worth 5 stars! no don't go rolling your eyes. even miss non-girl-tendencied ruoqi wants to marry him. and that's saying ALOT.) hmm but some parts were DUMB though. like... the princess coming to visit his town all the way from jerusalem on the pretext that her entourage was passing that way on their way to another town. then she went to stay in HIS town for like damn long lah. then suddenly one night she crept up on him while he was hard at work in his study room and fluttered her lashes and said something seductive like do you know the real reason why i'm here? i was practically screaming that she was there for sex lah duh! but that dumb bloom tried to play it coy by saying something like i know u're not just passing by my town. then she asked again whether he knew why she was here. (me: TO SLEEP WITH YOU LAH U DUMB MAN!) but noooooo, both idiots want to play coy and stall the progress of the otherwise well-paced movie! yah lah then finally she gave up and said... that in the east, when a woman shes a man she likes then she will _________ (i dunno exactly but she said something seductive here lah). then she went to him and started nuzzling against him and kissing him! and then they did the inevitable. the meiosis thing. but it was obviously her non-fertile day as she didn't get pregnant and i didn't see them use any form of contraceptives. she's lucky man! but anyway that's not the point. the whole hoo-ha here is that there i was thinking what a great, moral movie this is... with the widowed bloom still loving his dead wife (eternal love?)... and the princess being so sophisticated and all. and then they HAD to go and erm... meiosize! she's a MARRIED woman for pete's sake. and he just lost his wife that he loved so much not too long ago. and they had JUST met the previous day. and here they are studying each other's anatomy! oh the audacity of it all. ADULTERY, PEOPLE, ADULTERY! even if he IS the hero, still!!!!!! jerk.
but it was still an excellent movie nonetheless. we went to kfc for dinner after and we bumped into our all-time favourite colman chua. he was with another man. 'nuff said. anyway the softballers realised that we have a weird, no-one-else-can-understand, chor lor, "softball" brand of humour. i mean like...that day.THAT day we were sitting on the steps after the match. bel ruoqi xianhui and me. so xianhui and i were talking. then suddenly we heard weird wheezy noises coming from the side. we turned around and saw bel's face contorted in a mixture of agony and mid-laughter. and there was ruoqi all over her, doing god-knows-what to bel.so xianhui and i, concerned about the safety of our pal, quickly pulled ruoqi and her apart and asked them what they were doing. we thought they were having a catfight u see. then bel, recovered from that bout of asthmatic-esque laughter, enlightened us. "no lah! ruoqi was just trying to tickle me becuase i didn't laugh at her joke." xh: "ruoqi you TICKLED bel to make her laugh at your joke?" rq: "but it was funny what! bel just doesn't have a sense of humour!" bel: "hmph i SO do! your joke wasn't the least bit funny!" me: (still stunned at the revelation of events) you TICKLED bel just so that you can induce laughter in her? even though she didn't find your joke funny? u just wanted to MAKE her laugh at your joke?! HUH?!" rq: "EH IT WAS FUNNY OK!"
thankgod i'm back with the softballers after a whole week of them being absent in my life (replaced by, gasp, books) because of the EOIs. i really felt like something was missing in my life. it was quite bad lah that i didn't get to see them much. i mean, the most pro-longed time i had with a softballer this week was going home with resh. especially how we grew even closer after the season and stuff. then we immediately have to delve into our EOIs. sigh. but who cares it's over and it wasn't as horrible as i expected. except for my chinese essay that's is. u wouldn't like to know what i wrote. seriously. bel was utterly appalled. anyway... yah... just for those who didn't know already. we got third. not exactly what we are worth lah (we're worth so much more!). but somehow we just don't feel as horrible about it as we thought we would. in fact, most of us feel this inner peace. like we've achieved something greater. something more satisfying that what the gold could ever bring us (right ellen? oh btw great homerun! except that U GAVE US ALL A FREAKING HEARTATTACK!). our sisterhood. our team spirit. the impenetrable bond between us that cannot be broken no matter how high the temperature is, how much pressure is put upon us, how concentrated the softballers are, or whatever catalyst is used against us. yes. our bond. and no matter how hard and frequently the reacting particles collide, nothing will ever be strong enough to reach the activation energy to break the inter-softballecular bond. the TSB bond=) but i still maintain that no matter how close we are, we cannot just take things for granted. i mean, external forces won't be strong enough to break the bond that we have but u see, our softballecular bond is differnet. it works on a self activation kinda thing. like we decide what state our friendship and teamship is at. we control our destiny. like we decide when we need to stick together really tightly and closely like a solid, when we need to flow together like a liquid, to play beautiful, flowing softball. and yet... don't forget that there's the gaseous state which we are quite vulnerable to too. like.. what if we turn into gas particles and just diffuse and go far far away from each other (distance) with minimal contact and stuff. it has happened before and it can happen again. but WE can control that. so we gotta like keep working on it. keep going out for lunches together. going on spastic dates together. doing everything possible together. loving each other more than before. it's like... i dunno but the more time i spend with you guys, the more i grow to love y'all and realise that i can't possibly live without u guys. i'll never get sick of US. TSB. and i hope u guys won't too...
oh HAHA before i sign off i just HAVE to blog about this. you know... it's like those moments when it's just so funny at that time and doesn't make sense at all and no matter how hard u try u just can't replicate the humour in words or in wadeva sense? haha but it was really so witty, so softballie at that time. one of our retardedest convos ever. but only if u are a sec4rgsoftballer will you understand what the conversation is about and why it's so "funny". so if u're not an rgsec4softballer, don't bother reading on coz u won't udnerstand. so anyway the 7 of us (bel jem ruoqi resh moni gee and me) were sitting on that concentric thing in front of the big screen at cine waiting for our movie to start. we were like relatively well-behaved (except for those occassional "JOHNNY DEPP!!!!!" shrieks from taitai-moni,the inhouse bimbo bel and the uber-sensible-so-i-dunno-why-she's-shrieking-over-johnny-depp resh) and i was pretty proud of us. then the doors behind burst open and out came a gaggle of RI guys. moni spotted the infamous kenny of digmynose.blogspot.com fame and got all excited since she's an ardent fan of his literary blog-works. so she actually wanted to go up to him and comfort him about his loss of "babie" (apparently the name he gives his ex on the blog). but none of us wanted to go with her. so i came up with a plan... and all hell broke loose. (in all hell broke loose i mean the softballers started their rounds of congregated chorlor laughter. now THAT is hell!)
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me: (in my typical loud voice) MONI! stop digging your nose lah! (rest start howling with laughter) dig MY nose. (burst of laughter again)
moni: aiyah deb. then just let me start bleeding while i'm waiting lah. (burst of laughter)
me: fancy wanting to go up to meet him. u really ARE a desperado! (laugh)
gee: (leaning forward as she laughs and unfortunately getting tangled in resh's web of hair) oi resh! why is your hair so ru5ty?! ("hahahahahahahaha!")
moni: maybe because the win(wind) had arcane(came)! (huh? but shriek with laughter anyway)
[right about here everyone is in fits of chor lor laughter and are talking all at the same time so me, not being able to stand the noise...]
me: wahlao! just shut-up and let posefspeak lah! (laughlaughlaugh)
gee: because thisismylifenotyours...
bel: ...and mynameisdaniel. (cue: MAD LAUGHTER!)
me: hahahahaha! i'm having so much fun with the crowd. or, rather, inthecrowd! (i think u know wad happens here right. yes, laughter)
[suddenly moni notices the boys heading for the toilet and requests...]
moni: eh ruoqi let's go to the toilet!
me: huh? for what? oh... you're bleeding is it? ("hahahahahaha")
moni: no lah! WAITING. (at this point somewhere in the sunny island of singapore, a tremor was experienced. and no, i know for a fact that it wasn't an earthquake)
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oh man. we were really laughing damn loudly lah but we couldn't control. it's like those things when someone says something so funny and everyone starts laughing. and just when everyone has calmed down and tried their utmost to stop laughing like hyenas, then someone else says something funny that is related to the funny thing above and everyone starts laughing again. and the witty comments just start pouring in from there so everyone's on a high and no matter HOW HARD u try not to be a public nuisance, you just cannot control the amplitude of your laughter. like, no matter how many dirty stares u get from other people who just want some peace and quiet in our city, and u want to stop being the source of noise pollution, you JUST CAN'T STOP HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER! so, i want to clear up a fact. it's not that we softballers don't understand what public nuisances we make ourselves when we laugh and talk, and it's not that we don't try hard enough to control. it's just that... sigh... u don't understand... when softballers get together. there really is no such thing as. quiet.
!deb.17-- my kingdom of heaven is right here. with you guys=)
retardebel 10:37 PM