Saturday, May 21, 2005
today was a very special day. one that i don't think i'll forget in a looong loooong time. well, you see, today was the day... THE day... the DAY... that i found out my 9yearold brother is a sex pervert. oh. my. goodness. i mean what on earth is wrong with kids nowadays. in my time kids were like the epitome of chastity. we just reeked of purity. we played with innocent things like barbie dolls and educational computer games like Learn Your ABCs With Buddy. now... my brood of younger brothers led by that 9yearold sex pervert are dialing sex hotline numbers and surfing porn sites. i mean who on earth taught him how to go on google and type in "breasts"?! seriously, when i caught him on that site i was so shocked i almost fainted. that's not all. i was walking past the house phone just now and the gang of children (cousins, brothers, brothers friends, cousins friends) were crowding round the phone and giggling. so i leaned in to see what was going on. and then i heard it. "hellooooo (sultry and seductive)... do you like my voice? Very Gooood. do you want to meet up? remember to bring a condom!" oh. my. goodness. double shock in one freaking seemingly harmless day. seriously, what is wrong with little kids nowadays? is this the state globalization and the infiltration of uncensored sexual media is reducing the future generation of our country to? is this a sad indicment of our morally nihilistic society? learning about My Brother, The 9yearold Sex Pervert has really made me think about these issues. and so i thought. and i thought. and then i realised that it had totally nothing to do with society or the inadequacy of the censorship board of singapore. in fact, it had nothing to do with the other innocent little pokemon kiddies in our country. it happened because, well, you see, anyone who takes bio will know about that little problem called gene mutation. i mean that's the only explanation. my family doesn't have a history of perversion, and singapore is a clean and green country, so logically, the only reason why such a monster could exist in my family is that somewhere along the family line, one or two genes had gone through mutation. WAIT. it could be those FHM Mags i found stashed under my older brothers' bed! eww. BOYS.
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anyway i tell you my father is equally as loser as my mum man!
me: ohmygawd mum! i just caught goly on a sex hotline! and i saw him surfing porn sites just now!
mum: (fuming mad! and gave my brother a hell of a dressing down -no sexual pun intended-)
suddenly my dad, unable to stand the noise, walks into the room and asks what is going on. my mum starts ranting and raving about the sex pervert his nineyearold son is. after she's done, my dad casually picks up his paper and shoots my mum an annoyed look.
dad: (snaps at mum) all that noise over nothing! tsk! at least he's not gay right!
oh! oh! and then last night bel was in my living room on the phone. my dad walked down just as she was done.
dad: hello annabel. haven't seen you in a long time! oh! did you change the shape of your hair?
bel: (blushing furiously red) errr... no uncle. i... i just didn't comb it.
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ohmygawd. wad a loser of a dad.
anyway speaking of ohmygawds, OHMYGAWD WAD IS WRONG WITH BLOGGER? why is blogger in chinese?!!! i practically have to scrutinize each word carefully and put it to memory (which part of the ci yu shou ce have i seen this before?) before i can actually navigate myself around. what on earth man. where is that chinese pro resh when you need her?!!! (hey! don't belittle her man! she can say "ping guo" with a true blue shanghai accent!)
although i never put much emphasis on birthdays, just wanna shoutout to all of you for the poignant moments this year. actually i dunno which was the most memorable moment because they were all so touching! and wonderful.
saturday's party with all the friends i grew up with was shockingly tear-inducing. even the army goers sacrificed precious weekend time! you guys, thanks so much. i was really touched when i walked into the house after training and found all of you there waiting for me. and the movie after was so fun! i love you guys man! thanks for going through thick and thin with me. and for helping me keep the faith. i guess i've never really actually felt this, but looking back, i dunno wad i would've done without you all. i just wish we didn't have to grow up. and distance. ohwell. THANKS people!
my actual birthday was great too! thanks for all the smses and phone calls! and thanks christine and quek for staying up till 2 plus to bake that lemon thingey for me which you guys had to do so in n oven you had to switch on again every 5 minutes =) anyway, knowing that u two are go-to-sleep-before-11 people, it was really very touching. and i've never seen u two come close to sleeping in class. until tuesday. so thanks so so so much! and the thing (was it a cake? was it a pie? was it a crumble?) was actually edible! no lah. it was delicious. really. the bottom part at least. and thanks gorilla for the beautiful thing you made me. really brought back many memories... and the message was so sweet! thanks man. and thanks to the softballers for... being there. your very presence is more than enough for me. but the most coolest surprise was when i got home and this deliveryman rang the doorbell sometime in the evening when i was having a birthday dinner with my family, and he gave me a cake and flowers which the army people preordered! woohoo! i was so bloody speechless! i guess no matter what, your childhood friends are the ones that will always be there for you, and the ones that know you best. but, as i said before, we grow up, we distance. and it's saddening. i'm just so happy that u guys still care. oh andandand! the mostest wonderfullest monumental moment was when i came home from school the next day all drained and tired and my dad told me that my friend from australia sent me a letter. i was about to retort that i didn't have a friend in australia when suddenly... "OHMYGAWD! HUITING!!!!!" anyway it was soaked through but i could still make out the contents of the letter. and it was typically huiting sugar-sweet. and the gorgeous necklace remained untarnished despite the treacherous conditions the letter had to go through. it was beautiful. i was just so touched that i cried! (and the letter got soaked through even more!) really i didn't even expect her to remember my birthday... much less send me a present. it's funny huh. how the littlest things in life turn out to be those that have the greatest impact.
thanks reshbelruoqi. although i did look like a fool walking in town with that huge baby thing swinging from my arm. ("jealous?" REMEMBER?!!! omygawd i can't believe i did that!) it's been a long time since the four of us caught up. but then again, thinking of the things to do when we "catch up"... it's probably a good thing. what with strumming the guitar with ezlink cards, whacking the surface, thinking that that is wad the pros do, ruoqi using the guitar as a gu zheng... ohmygawd. but it's ohmygawd in a good, pure, childish way. alright. that's enough. i'm sick. and i probably made resh sick too since i was hugging her to sleep last night and she woke with a terrible cough. it's weird i never get sick. i'm so healthy. darn it now i have to do pft on tuesday. thanks for passing on the flu, cough AND fever man. whoever you are.
p.s. bel u think you damn great right! just coz the old man let you pass and demanded MY i/c right. well don't forget that i'm OLDER than you and more MATURE. you know why he let you pass? and not me? it's not coz i have a baby face! it's coz u have a LAO AH MA face! so there. so obviously this fresh youthful face of mine looks like a baby face when put next to your LAO AH MA FACE. yay i win! and don't think i dunno your secret ok... that one. about modifying dates and times just so you can go to sleep earlier. and yet act like u did it right on the dot. don't think i dunno ok. because i KNOW.
!deb.17-- rgssoftball'05. the most special batch on earth.
retardebel 10:26 PM