Monday, September 05, 2005
dear blog,
i only left you 8 and a half hours ago, but it feels like eternity. keeping my promise to try and be with you every waking moment of my life, here i am. i just woke up. it might be hard to fulfill that promise when i wake up from my little naps in class though. or when i wake up from dozing off during church. or when i wake up from my slumbers on the bus. therefore, updating you every waking moment of my life would definitely be a stretch. how about every free moment of my life?
i have to leave you soon, for i have promised myself to the three stooges at 1030. and to those darn cute penguins at 1230. parting is bittersweet, yes. but i will try to be happy for i know you want me to be happy. jem and xianhui do not have half the serenity and quiet-ness you have, and may the good lord and all his people rejoice if ruoqi could have even a quarter of the patience you do. grunting and muttering away like we've done some sort of grevious injustice to her by coming 2 seconds late. and i still put up with all that! at her beck and call whenever she needs a catcher (although with the way we're mistreated, i prefer to think of us as slaves)... why do i put up with all that?! maybe i'm a fool. just like you. you've been a fool for me. and now i have to be someone else's fool. ok that makes sense. and that limxianhui. throwing jibes at me when she can find the slightest of opportunities. laughing, mocking me when i do something to hurt my pride. oh dear blog, if you could see how she teases me, throws needle sharp darts at my fragile ego, how she tugs at my two ponytails with an evil grin on her beaver-ed face! oh how you would cry and mourn for my unrequitted care and sisterly-love towards this unfeeling ice-queen. no, that is not enough for her. she wants more. MORE. she wants to give me hickey today. that's how she repays me. oh blog, if only you were more than a blog. i would love you more than a blog. and you could love me more than a blog can. ah jem, artsy jem with a brilliant mind. but what use does she put her mind to? of course... concocting the lamest jokes that ever existed on the face of this earth. she tortures me! exposes my sensitive ears to sick and gross lines, bombards my mind with jokes that cannot get lamer than the most crippled man int he universe. and still, i put up with it. i laugh my tinkling laugh (HAHA!), so sweet to the ears. just to make her feel like her jokes are appreciated. and what does she do to repay my loyalty? make more jokes that are so unfunny that they make me cry (and no, it's not because i can turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat!). oh blog, you never make a noise. you never tease me, nor do you subject me to lame jokes. how i love your silence.
but yet it is that same silence that makes me unable to love you back the way you love me. it is that same silence that doesn't put a smile on my face whenever i'm about to meet you. all these, the softballers can do. for they are real. they make me real. and i dunno what i'll do if one day, xianhuilim the babooseng were to stop teasing me. if tanruoqi were to stop complaining about me. if jem were to stop making lame jokes. my world will just come crashing down. because when that happens, the softballers will cease to be. and i don't mean we will leave each other. but that people change, and grow out of it. i don't want them to ever change. for it's their stupidity and retardation that makes me love them. i love them for who they are. and i dunno if i can love whoever they are gonna change into. if you guys are reading this, i hope that y'all get what i mean. it's gonna be tough, yes. but we aren't gonna let our friendship, our sisterhood fall apart because of a few changes in our lives right. i can see it happening already. it is. so let's just salvage what is left.
mmmhmm, you see blog. you could never be a irritating, yet welcome presence in my life. you can never make me laugh the way they do. so i cannot love you the way i love them. but you will always be a loyal friend to me. a blank webpage for me to store happy memories with them. for them to share my happy memories with. and now, i am late going to meet them. and how ruoqi will grumble, bite my head off maybe. so i take my leave.
love,
your owner deborah lee
(i've checked out already. talking to blogs is not a sign of madness)
!deb.17-- rgssoftball'05
retardebel 8:35 AM