Wednesday, October 19, 2005
my house IS the bloody circus. especially at dinnertimes. welcome to slurp du soleil. let me introduce you to the performers. the main attraction is, of course, The Amazing Soup Slurpers. yes, my brothers. give them any type of soup- mushroom, ginseng, chicken, lotus, anything!- and they'll lap it up with amazingly loud "sluuuuurrrps". when you get the whole lot together, there is even a 6 part harmony... beethoven, with his symphonies galore, would be proud of my bros. the best is yet to come- topping off their wonderful performance is a chorus of resounding belches! music to my ears......... not. they seriously piss me off (no bel, it's not because of my inability to produce a burp half as brilliant as theirs).
oh and of course there's my sister. The Incredible Trishaw-Rider, never-seen-before phenomenon! a stunning display of multi-tasking that requires the coordination and discipline of at least half the muscles in her body. yes, it is hard work you know. perching trishaw rider-esque on a chair while, at the same time, reaching across the dining table to get that piece of pork. very flexible indeed. it's quite a sight to behold, really. a disgustingly ugly sight! with all her talent in ballet and gym, you'd expect her to be slightly more graceful than most, no? NOOOO. heck, even i don't sit so obscenely during dinnertime.
then there are the parents. (notice i said THE parents and not MY parents, because i am in vehement denial that i was borne of these two clowns) yes, they are, The Clowns. they talk and talk. they make us laugh and laugh. they nag and nag. they make us cringe and cringe. typical clowns- sometimes they make us smile, but most of the time they're just plain weird. though i appreciate them bringing some much needed mirth to the table, mostly i really wish that they were pantomimes. give us a break and let us have dinner in peace man. we don't need to hear how we're wasting our lives away lazing around everyday. we don't need to hear about how so-and-so's child is getting so-and-so results. and we definitely don't need to listen to them discuss the sex exploits of their equally-weird friends. suddenly the food on our plates become oddly unappetising. doctors are damn weird. and i haven't even gotten to the part where my mum loves, for some odd reason or the other, to listen to the jump for my love song by girls aloud in the car. yeah, and when it gets to the "i need love, LOVE, LOOOOOOOVEEEEE" part, she'll stick her head out of the window and shout it out! my gawd. and people often wonder how motorist accidents occur. well, the next time you hear about a traffic accident along the PIE or something, you should know better. my mum has been there.
as with all good circuses (or is it circii?), there's the Invisible Man too. or, in this case, The Disappearing Boy. now you see him, now you don't. it's amazing really, the breakneck speed at which my brother leaps down the stairs, jumps into his chair, shovels down the huge mountains of food, and bounds up the stairs again. it all happens so fast, a blink of the eye and you may miss him at the table. wow. i say that this is the coolest of all acts. since i eat at the speed at which jenny's grandma runs (nah, it's not an underlying reference to your running ruoqi. i wouldn't!). well, don't try this at home! (i just realised that there is a secret formula to his disappearing act. the only clues i'm gonna give you are: championship manager, warcraft, dota and tv. go figure.)
finally we come to the last band of performers. they are the astounding, the mind-boggling, the marvelous... Food Hiders! a bunch of nimble children, skilled at hiding unwanted food in the most unexpected of places. yes, one time i even lifted a panel off the top of the table and i found, to my total and utter disgust, a blend of fish, spinach and prawn rolls from the previous night's dinner. gross is an understatement. it's amazing. how on earth did the kids lift up a panel and stuff their food underneath, all under the watchful eye of my mother a.k.a. The Incredible Hawk (no, not Hulk)? there are other hiding places too lah. like up a sleeve, under the soup bowl, "accidental" drops on the floor and, of course, my speciality- under the pile of bones and shells. speaking of unwanted food, i have to say that my mum puts in a sterling act as The Bottomless Garbage Can too. a relatively easier, but more painful way (i would chooose torture by the most sadistic Nazi interrogator than be subjected to her monologues) of getting rid of the food is simply dumping it onto mum's plate. risky though. as she'll have your head even before you can take that crucial step away from the table en route to your sprint up the stairs. she hates wasting food though, so she always helps us finish ours. hence, the garbage can.
quidam was amazing. like REALLY amazing. not the fake amazing of my circus family. really take my hat off to cirque du soleil. i thought that it would've been impossible to top allegria. but they did it. and rather emphatically too. it's just impossible to describe how i felt when i was watching quidam. like i never wanted to step out of the tent. the show took my breath away. and that's saying alot because i do have very efficient lungs. i loved the skipping act coz it requires so much coordination. the other acts, though out-of-this-world, does not require as much coordination coz it's individual or in pairs. i dont mean to take away any credit from those amazing stunts though. i loved the china girls too! brilliant, disciplined and incredibly..... cute. and the pantomimes! the clowns were a hoot. and the tall skinny one is quite hot. you know, i realised that almost all the women in the circus had six packs too (ALL the men, save the fat and skinnny clowns, did of course). woweeeee! well anyway, the ultimate of ultimates, my favourite of favourites, was the closing act. the stunts by all those big burly muscular men. oh those muscles! the whole performance was wildly spectacular, but the final stunt just made my heart leap out of my mouth. there was this pyramid with three men standing atop each other, yes no base, no support no nothing. just three men. one balancing on top of the other. that is already a tough feat to achieve in it self. i was applauding like a crazed woman when suddenly... one of the performers leaped into the air, was given a boost by a few of the other men and sommersaulted all the way to the top of the three men, and landed PERFECTLY! OH. MY. _________. there's just no word to describe how stunning it was. like three men blanacing on top of each other, and one man boosted of the ground, sommersaults in the air and lands cleanly on top of the three men! argh argh. i can't describe it! words do it injustice. despite my strong resolve to behave like a cool, unintimidated, not-easily-impressed teenager, i leaped up from my seat (tara-mother-esque) and screamed myself hoarse. so much for cool, deb. i never wanted it to end. that's magic.
sigh... shall stop here. and go do something that will help me.......... so that i won't have to touch another shou ce or sprout another cheng yu for the rest of my life.
!deb.17-- has arrested development
retardebel 9:57 PM