Tuesday, December 13, 2005
i try not to be dumb, but it's hard i guess.
first things first. HAH BEL. like, HAH. who was the one that LAUGHED at me when my mum cut-ted MY hair?! who was the one that PINCHED my cheeks and called me a china doll? ok fine, that was mostly limxh. but still... HAH.
ok lah i'm not THAT bad. while extending my deepest sympathies to you, i recommend yunnam hair care. just look at edmund chen and terence cao! hot.
resh, here's your post. now stop nagging. and stop trying to make me use you as an inspiration to blog. bytheway, what's with the latest entry? i thought mushy resh was here to stay? anyway, i will miss you much when i go to korea. mum wanted you to come along as a tour guide actually (seeing how you managed to translate gom-seh-ma-ree-gah into dont say maria), but decided that we wanted to return safely.
anyway here's my "going-off" post. i dunno if i'm really gonna miss you guys, but i know that i will, slightly at least. i only really miss my family when i go overseas, but we're all going together so it wont be that bad. except for my corcor. i cant believe it. time passes so quickly. this is the first family holiday that he wont be coming along. they're all growing up so quickly and going into army. we're all gonna miss him loads. i hope that the lord will keep him safe.
i guess it's kinda scary going overseas. you never know what lies ahead. there's the highly perilous plane rides there and back. and then there's the gnawing uncertainty of being in a foreign country. it's really horrible. i could cry. really.
and for some reason or other, i've been having these insanely upsetting dreams. i have dreamt, consecutively, of death for the past two nights. the first one was of myself dying. no, it's really scary. like you realise only then, that there's so much that you want to do but never got the chance to because you've been so caught up with other trivial things, and it's really sad to know that you're leaving the world without touching someone's life, or doing something that you could be really proud of. but i feel that the worst thing is not being able to say goodbye to all those you love. at least my death wasnt unexpected. i still had time to say goodbye to all my loved ones. thank you bel, for keeping vigil by my bedside all the time i was in the hospital. only 7 other people did so... my dad, but i know that he's the person who loves me most in this world. and surprisingly enough, other than bel and my dad, the rest of the people were ones who i really didnt expect at all. there was graham, quek, korkor cheekopek!!!, vincent, nicky and taikooma. i dunno why they were there either. like some others i really wanted werent. mum, my siblings, t___, tsb etc. but i dunno. it was really touching when i told bel about my dream, and she didnt like laugh or anything but immediately said "you know i would". i know you would bel! but it's really scary you know. dying. in the end i didnt get to see if i died because someone woke me up. but dying is scary enough.
in my dream last night, t___ was dying. it was really, really, really horrible. 'nuff said. i woke up and started crying. i dont know why i dreamt that. but i would be devastated if he really did. you cannot imagine my relief when i realised it was only a dream. besides my family, i guess he's really one of those whom i cant live without? so it's really terrible to imagine him gone!
i woke up at 5 am today coz of my nightmare and couldnt get back to sleep. i was kinda scared. and i wondered why god kept sending me signs of death. or is it just my imagination? i dunno. but two death dreams in the two nights just before i go overseas is really frustrating. i dont want to die. and i try to stop anticipating my death and live for the moment. but it's really difficult. i know, i'm dumb. but as much as i try not to be, it's really difficult.
so, i guess, just IN CASE. i would hate myself if i didnt get a chance to tell all those i love that i really love them.
the churchies. the gang of sissies. TSB. my 406 clique. 203 bunch. the church clique. the cell group. clam, t__. the softball juniors and seniors. the kors (yes jon, i will include you just this once). huiting. ruoqi. resh. xianhui. gee. jem. (i know i said TSB already, but this is for being sisters)... aaron. del. nicole. the ex-classmates clique. the pschool clique. tara. lois. dad. mum. all the brothers. the sister. jackie. the relatives. janell. mr paolo (yilin). chuwen. yingqi. jerry. and most of all, BEL and HAM. the bestfriends in the whole world.
please take care of yourselves. coz i still have to come back and "ke-cheow" (is that how it's spelled, jon?) you guys =) i hope. ok it is DUMB to think like this. nothing's gonna happen to the plane.
holidays are hectic man. i've only had one free day this whole hols. and i wasted it playing computer games with bros. it's kinda addictive really. except that i really suck. they tried to teach me "counterstrike" and "heroes" and "warcraft" and "magic" and all. but it was too difficult for me. but i got the hang of "supermarios" and "harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban" though. i really am a computer idiot.
me: cool! cool! i killed that thingey!
bro1 (sec 3): here's another one coming. shoot it.
me: oh no oh no! what's the fire button again?
bro1: it's...
me: AHHH!!! OH NO! SHIT! IT'S COMING AT ME!!! WHAT IS IT?
bro1: it's..
me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! OH NO!!!
bro1: calm down! it's...
me: AHHHHHH! (little mario figure runs in the opposite direction and falls down a hole. and dies.) phew! at least the turtle didnt get to kill me. HAH.
bro2 (pri3): do you plan on getting past stage one?
me: then stop the turtles from coming at me lah!
bro2: they're part of the GAME. and they're not even THAT dangerous! gawd. supermarios is the silliest, easiest game in the house!
me: NOOOO. solitaire is. and minesweeper. i have the highscores ok!
bro1: they're not even GAMES!!!!
me: oh no! how do i get to the other side?
bro1: hold down the run key and jump at the same time. so that you'll have more speed.
me: what if i cant do it? i'm endangering harry's life!!! and harry is daniel radcliffe! i wont let him die. i think i'll just stay here.
bro1: BUT YOU HAVE TO MOVE TO GET TO THE NEXT CHAMBER!
me: ok fine. this is it... i will do this for you daniel.
bro1: crazy shit...
me: i will.... (holds down the run key and... panics when reaching the edge)
bro1: ok jump! now! JUMP YOU STUPIDASS!
me: oh shit oh shit! arghhhhhhhh... HARRY!!!!
bro1: i TOLD you to jump! the jump key is spacebar. ok nevermind, try again. remember to... WAHLAO! STOP CRYING YOU LOSERSHIT!!! it's only a GAME.
me: easy for YOU to say. -sniffles- at least it's not legolas.
but i'm good at championship manager though. i've been playing it since the 99/00 season. and i've won every championship possible with man u. but for the 05 season i've been using aston villa. they're quite good. i'm second place in the premiership now. surprisingly, chelsea is on top. darn! man u is like, 10th place or sth. which is really humiliating. but it's only coz wayne rooney is not there. i made this really good buy from man city. joey barton. he's averaging 8.11 now. and thomas hitzlsperger is also really good. gareth barry too. and dion dublin. kim kallstrom is also a damn good player. martin palermo too. they're all like, not really well known in real life. but in cm, they're damn good. the thing about using a lesser team like aston villa or wolves instead of man u or liverpool, is that there's this immense sense of achievement when u beat the bigger clubs (i trashed man u 4-0 and drew with chelsea 1-1)... and help these smaller clubs to glory. but sadly, i dont get to play in the champions league or any of those big tournaments.
sigh.. gotta go do grocery shopping and run errands with my brother now. he's sec 3 and he doesnt know how to go shopping on his own. then again, my older brother is j2 and he wanted to wear jeans and a jersey to prom. thank god mum made him wear a suit. that idiot. he gelled his hair coz we forced him too and ended up looking like mary poppins. we had to hold him down and let me redo the spike for him. sigh! "what's the bloody use? rj girls look like cows anyway!" of course i reprimanded him for that. then dad came back from sending him to the ritz. coz dad's friend's daughter was also in rj j2, so they sat down at the cafe and oogled at all the rafflesians. "GOODNESS! your brother is right! rafflesian girls look like cows! not only that. mamasan cows at that! what's with the feather boas?!" me: "oh shooo! you have no taste. mooooooo! so there."
resh and i had a laugh talking about getting the brothers ready for prom. turns out amrik gave resh and her sis the same problem as my brother gave us. what's really funny is the discretion between my two older brothers. both were rj soccer vice capts. but while the first one's really... let's put it this way... "friendly with girls", being in council and all. the second wouldnt touch a girl with a ten foot pole. he made a girl cry on his first week at school. such an idiot! but he's actually really funny at home lah. i especially like it when my brother give movies running commentaries. hilarious! anyway my corcor (army one) came back from prom with 3 albums of photos with girls. and one album with boys. my second brother (j2 one) came back from prom with 3 albums of photos with guys (yes, how gay!)..... and 3 miserable, pathetic photos with girls. not 3 albums. 3 PHOTOS. my oh my. but i'm trying to find out who one of them is anyway. coz he seemed rather intimate with her. dad is gonna pay me if i find out who she is and if she's brother's gf.
ok gotta run now. take care you people!
!deb.17-- huh. who. what.
retardebel 10:35 AM